I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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