she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
