i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
