PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was born a porn star she said
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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