Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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