just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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