The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
