I think I won the penis lottery.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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