the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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