After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
