Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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