so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
