I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
