I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
