I'm gonna have a badass scar
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
