Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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