i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
