I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone came in the potted fern
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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