Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.