Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?