Swine flu. Run for my life!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.