Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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