Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and she was petting her beer can
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life