so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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