Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
