brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
