I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
