We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
