i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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