We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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