i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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