i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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