How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've blown a few things in my day
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
