awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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