we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
