mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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