Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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