Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They took my balls.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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