I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
