remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
