no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
