Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
