The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
