I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
