Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
