I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
