help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
