sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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