dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
