how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
