I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
