I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone came in the potted fern
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
