I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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