The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize