sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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