dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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