why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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