True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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