I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
