I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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