Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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