'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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