I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
