I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
