Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
