I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
