The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
