): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
