the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
