At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
