Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
