i don't like sucking hair
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
