Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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