I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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