If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
