Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
