She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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