Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
