There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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