I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
