Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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