32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
