and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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