Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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