i don't like sucking hair
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You can't special order awesome
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
