I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he's gonorrhea incarnate
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
