bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
